There’s nothing we don’t know about ex-Oxford coach Des Buckingham, apart from who he is, of course. He’s got the same no-news day vibe that compelled GLS to follow Jonte Smith’s Bermudan international career so closely a couple of years ago. Anyway, it turns out that Buckingham has won the A-League Grand Final with Melbourne City, which we’re guessing is some sort of newfangled esports competition.
Having planned a warm-weather training camp in Spain; travel restrictions have meant that the club have had to scale back and are now heading for a changeable weather training camp in Bournemouth. KRob will be staying in Derek Fazackerley’s caravan while the squad are all bringing their tents so they can finish their Duke of Edinburgh bronze awards. The club are hoping to line up a couple of friendlies against the kids playing World Cup Willy on the rutted grassless football pitch next to where the teenagers get smashed on cider.
Saturday 3 July 2021
When Bill Gates started Microsoft, his goal was to have a PC on every desk and to kill millions of children in the third world with bogus vaccines, obviously. It’s this ambition that inspired Oxford to try and sell a centre-back to every mid-ranking club in the Championship. It comes around so quickly, but the Sell A Centre-Back festival was held on Saturday after Rob Atkinson became a Robin reliant and signed for Bristol City. After it was announced, Atkinson was photographed looking bemused while wearing so many different City tracksuits he could be playing in the unfamiliar role of club shop mannequin next season.
Middlesborough, fresh from appointing Oxford’s former head of star jumps Chris Short, have announced a link up with Martin Gray’s Football Academy. This is like the board game Billy Hamilton’s Football Academy, except whatever number you roll on the dice, you move your piece sideways. Since leaving Oxford, Gray has built a reputation for developing a generation of crab-like kids able to withstanding howling wails of frustration from up to 7,000 fans at a time.
Wednesday 23 June 2021
There’s a bit of a stand-off in Bristol City’s pursuit of Rob Atkinson. City have submitted a substantial bid for the defender, but KRob is holding out for more. £1.6m is such a lot of money it’s a difficult to imagine, to make it easier for us all; that’s nearly £400,000 plus add ons when he eventually signs.
In what is turning into what we call in GLS world, an ‘I wonder what Samir Carruthers is doing’ week, Birmingham Live have been wondering what Samir Carruthers is doing. The self-styled ‘idiot who urinated in a pint glass’ is now at Hemel Hempstead.
After over 300 games and 8 years at the club, Josh Ruffels has finally signed for Huddersfield Town fulfilling his lifelong dream to play in the Championship relegation zone. Ruffles leaves behind many great memories; Wembley, derby wins, promotion and giant killings, we will never forget his name, even if half of us can’t spell it.
The end of season’s best hackers table has been released and it turns out that Oxford are the third dirtiest team in the division. So proud. The club have kicked their way to seventy yellow and three red cards this season, which has only been bettered by Northampton Town and Charlton Athletic. Bookie monster, Alex Gorrin was seventh.
KRob has paid tribute to Instagram influencer, Nico Jones, as he leaves the club. ”It’s not the end of the road for him in his career. I think he feels going out playing men’s football and being released is better for him and we felt it was as well.” There’s nothing like a bit of redundancy to make you a man. No doubt, he’ll soon be gracing the greatest theatres of football that the Conference South has to offer.
“Una paloma blancaaaaa” KRob is thinking of his summer holibobs with the lads. Pre-season is up in the air because of the pandemic, but he’s hoping to line up a ‘foreign giant’ to play during the summer, which we can only assume is Gérard Depardieu. “We want to be creative with the pre-season, we want to be better than ever before.” he said, better even than our previous best start of two wins in eight.
Tuesday 1 June 2021
The Sunderland Echo have been trying to come up with ways to show that Permier League Sunderland probably won the division after all. They’ve compared how the League 1 table finished to how it was predicted to finish, Oxford were predicted to finish 5th, but finished 6th.
Rob Atkinson has been named in the PFA League 1 Team of the Year. The team is a veritable who’s that? of players you’ve only vaguely heard about. Atkinson is understandably chuffed; “It’s nice to win awards, quite humbling, and I am very proud to accept it but the goal for all of us was promotion and we will come back looking to go one better and hopefully achieve that next time around.” said the club’s communications team playing with their new Quote-o-matic app.
A blistering 4-0 win over Flimsy Boyd Jasselblank’s Burton Albion set up an unlikely opportunity for Oxford to make the play-offs on Sunday. Everything depended on Portsmouth’s game against Accrington. Over at Fratton Park, there was a proper bumpy Pompey pumping as Stanley won 1-0. The result meant Oxford snatched the last play-offs place and will play Blackpool next week.