George Lawrence’s Shorts: The Kettlebell-end

Saturday 27 March 2021

With no game on Saturday, the Manchester Evening News reminisced about the time Ronaldo visited Kassam in 2006, his first game in England after helping Wayne Rooney get sent off in the World Cup. The paper were shocked to report that Oxford fans didn’t seem willing to bow down in deference to the Portugese superstar booing him throughout the game. It’s almost as if they don’t care about Manchester United at all.

Sunday 28 March 2021

Tiger has moved to address the speculation surrounding a possible takeover by a consortium involving babyfaced billionaire Eric Thohir. ‘It’s speculation’ he said of the speculation.

Monday 29 March 2021

Oxford have released their accounts for 2019/20 and despite a global pandemic and the worst recession in a generation, the club have recorded a £1.5m profit. The good result has been put down to player sales and the contract the club signed with Health Secretary Matt Hancock to supply PPE to the NHS last year.

Meanwhile Jose’s son, John Mousinho has been speaking at the Sports Resolutions Conference about the links between heading the ball and dementia. Players must change their mindset, reported France 24 of Mous’s speech, ignoring the fact that a changing mindset is pretty much the one thing players are campaigning to avoid.

Tuesday 30 March 2021

Unnamed sources say Oxford are looking at Kabongo Tshimanga who is currently a Boreham Wood man, talking of Wood men, Andy Woodman has taken over at Bromley after leaving Premier League big guns Arsenal. Talking of big guns, Mr Big Guns, MApp is being lined up by Preston, but won’t be drawn on whether he’d be wilder on the Sheffield United job. Talking of wilder; Chris Wilder is being considered for the vacant role at Celtic.

Wednesday 31 March 2021

Oxford may be struggling in mid-table, but when it comes to shiny suits, top of the range BMWs and chunky gold jewelry, they are serious play-off contenders. No, Nigel Jemson isn’t back, the FA have released the amount that the club spent on agent fees in the last year. The club came fourth behind Hull City, Sunderland and Ipswich Town, spending nearly £300,000, which is a lot of Lynx aftershave. 

`Thursday 1 April 2021

Former Oxford keeper Andy Woodman has given his first interview since becoming manager of Bromley. In it, he talks about his many managerial inspirations “I’ve obviously worked with Alan Pardew for many years,” said Woodman who also spent many years working with Ian Atkins “I’ve been lucky enough to have a season with Arsene Wenger, which was brilliant.” he continued. Of course, it was only a matter of time before he would mention Ian Atkins. “I had my time with Steve McClaren, who’s a good guy to learn off.” Clearly leaving the best until last, he continued; “They’re all very good at what they do. Sam Allardyce too.”

Elsewhere, 1, 2, 3, 4… Toni Martinez has shown that anything Eddie Odhiambo-Anaclet can do, he can do better. Martinez’s Porto recently knocked Ronaldo’s Juventus out of the Champions League, it’s a long interview, so we assume he says that was an achievement only topped by equalising against Middlesborough in the FA Cup.

Friday 2 April 2021

Oxford United travelled north on Good Friday to play Trevor Kettle in Sunderland. Good Friday commemorate’s the crucifixion of Jesus Christ on the cross. Kettle is a deeply religious man who has committed his life to making bizarre decisions in the name of god or Trevor Kettle as he calls him. He ceremoniously crucified Oxford’s play-off chances allowing Jack Stevens to be assaulted in the tunnel, sending off Mark Sykes, allowing Sunderland to play on and score while Cameron Brannagan was injured on the floor and then sending off KRob for protesting about it all. Hallelujah!

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Oxblogger

Oxblogger is a blog about Oxford United.

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