George Lawrence’s Shorts: Squad goals

Saturday 3 August 2019

GLS’ expensive public school education at The Anthony Tonkin College For Ordinary Boys meant our grasp of Latin is second to none. For instance, the verb ‘to mack’ means to complain endlessly. Mackie (he complains endlessly) Mackem (they complain endlessly), and so on. Ironically on Saturday, KRob wore the same waistcoat and tie combo for the 1-1 draw with Sunderland as the substitute Latin teacher GLS once gaffer-taped to the blackboard in Room 6b.

Monday 5 August 2019

Oxford United’s lessons in Brexit. Step 1: actively devalue your crippled reputation for no apparent reason as the EFL have done by announcing that the Football League Trophy will be known as the Leasing.com Trophy. Step 2: allow your valued assets to leave for the European mainland where they will be better treated as Leeds are set to do with Kemar Roofe heading to Anderlecht. Step 3: blame everyone else for the mess you created as Sunderland manager Jack Ross did following our draw with them on Saturday.

Tuesday 6 August 2019 

I AM NOT A NUMBER. Except if you’re an Oxford United player you are. The club have announced an innovative shirt numbering system where every registered player will have their own squad number. Junior players can aspire to achieving the smaller numbers, according to KRob, which should be motivation enough for little James Henry at 17 or young Jamie Mackie at 19. The club haven’t yet announced the competition for the first person to spot a pushy-parent in the club shop making a humblebrag order for a replica shirt with their darling little cash machine’s three figured number emblazoned on their back.

Wednesday 7 August 2019

Former Oxford striker John Aldridge has endorsed Ben Woodburn’s season long loan. Aldridge, who described Oxford as a “poxy club” before leaving for Liverpool in 1987 and hasn’t returned for single reunion or anniversary in the intervening 32 years said “He’s gone to what I think is a great club with great fans. I had great times there and I can’t say anything bad about the club because it’s in my heart.”

Thursday 8 August 2019

Benji Buchel’s dream of playing in some godforsaken corrupt country who has bought the rights to staging the 2020 Europa League Final looks to be over. He shipped five goals for no reply in the home leg of their latest qualifier against Eintracht Frankfurt. That’s right, the home leg. The second leg in Frankfurt is next week, #prayforbenji.

Friday 9 August 2019

Tiger had a grrreat Five Minute Fans Forum on Radio Oxford yesterday, dangling a bunch of intoxicating carrots as if Jerome Sale were Bugs Bunny on meth. I wish I could tell you more about the stadium, he said, maybe there’ll be an exciting announcement soon. Exciting times, will it be as exciting as the announcement from OxVox which is due in a couple of years ago about the future of the stadium? Or maybe it’ll be about the building of a temporary fourth stand, which will be ready for the 2016 derby game against Swindon?

Tomorrow marks Jose’s son, John Mousinho’s 500th game ‘I remember my debut like it was last week’ he said, ‘I gave away possession in a critical part of the field’.

‘No, that was last week’, said one of the clubs sports analysts. ‘And the week before’ he continued, flipping through his clip board. ‘And the week before that’ he said, not reading the mood of the room.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s