Ah summer, the gentle caress of the sun on cheek, light summer dresses, birds chirping happily in the trees. Time to freshen up, let air flow through your soul, and renew. Fling those windows open, for light is here to replace the dark!
Except if the window is a transfer window, then a swarm of wasps will consume your head, sting your eyeballs until pustules ravage your eyelids. But, football is dead, long live transfer windows.
So, what can we expect? New contracts for Rob Hall and Curtis Nelson? Freedom for Jon Obika, Jonte Smith and Scott Shearer? Players returning to their clubs to continue their long and winding journey towards an two-year contract at Fleetwood Town? Let us not forget, Fierce Keheller’s mission to play for every Conference South team in the country.
So, welcome to the summer’s transfer window, what a ride it’ll be.
Tuesday May 7 2019
Are we off to a flyer or what? No. George Waring who Michael Appleton called upon to save us in the JPT Final in 2016 – replacing Callum O’Dowda – has signed a new contract at Chester City.
Wes Thomas has been released by Grimsby Town with a glorious implosion on Instagram. What goes on in the changing room stays in the changing room, except when you’ve been made redundant by voicemail, it seems.
Wednesday May 8 2019
The opening days of the transfer window are like the early episodes in a series of Game of Thrones. You have to keep your eye on apparently inconsequential exchanges because they could have a significant impact later on. So, expect Alex Jakubiak – who has gone back to Watford from Bristol Rovers and Isaac Buckley-Ricketts – set to join Macclesfield from Peterborough – to have their manhoods cut off and be incinerated by a dragon some time in mid-August.
Thursday May 9 2019
Sir Dropsalot, Sam Slocombe has been released by Bristol Rovers while former Oxford full-back and general Angry Young Man, James Clarke is in talks for new contract.
Cosmopolitan Premier League sophisticat Chris Wilder has taken a break from smoking Gauloise cigarettes and wearing black roll-neck jumpers, and started ditching players left right and centre. Ricky Holmes who is recovering from a fractured man-bun, the top-man’s top man, Jake Wright and Samir Carruthers have all been put up for sale. Poor old Marvelous Marvin Johnson has been sent back to Middlesbrough where he faces an uncertain future under Tony Pulis, who faces an uncertain future under Steve Gibson.
In the nether regions, Jack Midson and his conjoined twin Sammy Moore have become managers of Hemel Hempstead Town.
Like snipping dangle berries after a week of finding yourself at a vegan yoga retreat, KRob expressed relief at releasing a bunch of hangers’ on – Scott Shearer, Fiarce Keheller, Jon Obika, Charlie Raglan, Jonte Smith are all on their way. Curtis Nelson has been offered a contract he’ll turn down while Rob Hall has also been offered a deal.
Jugged-eared centre-back Michael Raynes has been released Crewe, while the 2016 striker who isn’t Kemar Roofe or Danny Hylton (or George Waring), Jordan Bowery, is in talks for a new contract.
Crawley are in discussion with the world’s oldest man, Dannie Bulman about a contract extension. Presumably negotiations have to work around his nap times and involve shouting into his ear-trumpet.
Bristol Rovers are apparently in discussion with Chris Wilder about signing some of his cast offs, The Bristol Post reporting that Samir Carruthers and Ricky Holmes could be filling The Gas treatment room next season, although presumably that doesn’t rule out Jake Wright either.
Monday 13 May 2019
A speculative piece in the Hull Daily Mail has linked us with goalkeeper Luke Southwood. Quite where he’d fit into the Simon Eastwood/Jack Stephens equation is anyone’s guess unless KRob is preparing his options in the event of an offer coming in for Eastwood. Eastwood? Southwood? Expect us to linked to Tim Westwood soon.
Tuesday 14 May 2019
John Dempster, fabled member of the team which successfully navigated us out of the Football League in 2006 has been appointed manager of Mansfield Town. While Cheltenham Charlie Raglan has signed for Cheltenham.
Wednesday 15 May 2019
Junior Us news, Alex Fisher whose scrawny frame briefly featured for Oxford in the darker of the Conference years has left Yeovil, while Robbie Cundy has gone full Sam Ricketts on us and got himself a two-year contract with Bristol City.
Cundy has been at Bath City, where Ryan Clarke was last season. Clarke’s performances have earned him a year’s extension with the Romans.
Friday 17 May 2019
Following Leeds’ failure in the play-offs there are early rumblings about the future of Kemar Roofe. Roofe has a year left on his contract and was top scorer last season despite a period out with injury. There was speculation that he might move to Newcastle in January but knowing how much Chris Wilder values Michael Appleton’s judgement, Sheffield United may be an obvious destination.
1,2,3,4… Toni Martinez looks set to leave West Ham while pleasantly named Josh Smile has signed for Maidenhead United. Apparently Smile was on our books at some point, though I’m blowed if I can remember him. Jack Payne, Huddersfield’s pocket sized loan specialist has been released as has Tyrone Barnett by Cheltenham.
Sunday 19 May 2019
Callum O’Dowda appears to be on his way out of Bristol City. There’s a familiarity with the story, O’Dowda has a year on his contract and is refusing to sign an extension. With a number of clubs interested, Leeds especially, he’s suddenly gotten himself injured, though not injured enough to miss the Republic of Ireland’s upcoming internationals.
Monday 20 May 2019
In Speculationville, The News, the Portsmouth website have suggested that Curtis Nelson would be a decent signing for Pompey. They admit that Nelson’s main reason for not signing a new contract is because he wants to play in the Championship. The paper fails to acknowledge that Portsmouth don’t meet that criteria.
Tuesday 21 May 2019
OK, deep breath; 17-year-old Kevin Bercoe has signed following his release by Wolves. Aarons Heap and McCreadie have signed short contract extensions and Sam ‘not that Sam Allardyce’ Allardyce has come from it’s not clear where. Despite a slew of activity, these appear to be ones for the future.
And, in Carlton Morris news; one of MApp’s earliest loan signings has signed a contract extension with Norwich while being simultaneously loaned out to Rotherham for the season.
Friday 24 May 2019
If you ever want to use that #oufc Twitter trope of referencing an obscure former player in a joke, then 2008 is a go-to season. A contemporary of Michael Husbands and Levi Reid, Jake Cole, who was signed on loan as cover for Billy Turley, has signed for Maidstone United.
Saturday 25 May 2019
Chelsea have finally decided that Todd Kane, who has had more clubs on loan than Tiger Woods after his luggage got lost on his way to the British Open, isn’t going to make the grade. Hull City are interested.
Talking of child protégées who didn’t quite make it, Josh Ashby has signed for Oxford City.
Tuesday 29 May 2019
Bristol Rovers want Alex Jakubiak back, but that may just be a regurgitation of a previous story.
Former loanee Zeli Ismail who had everything Jordan Graham had – a Wolves contract, but missed one thing – talent, even though he was once tipped to be a £100m player – has been released by Walsall.
Hero of the home derby win over Swindon in 2012, Lee Holmes, has been offered a new deal by Exeter City.
What about Giorgio Rasulo, I hear you ask? He’s been offered a new deal by Mike Ford at Banbury.
Wednesday 29 May 2019
Rob Hall has step-overed his way to a new one-year contract. Hall has been injured for the best part of two-years but KRob is ready to take a punt on him. With Curtis Nelson unlikely to sign his new contract, Hall’s signature should signal the start of the next phase of next season’s planning.
Thursday 30 May 2019
Armani Little has signed pre-contract terms with Torquay, whatever that is, while Sam Slocombe is in talks with S****horpe.
Friday 31 May 2019
Ryan Williams who was mentioned in dispatches *waves vaguely at the top of the page* somewhere up there appears to have rejected his contract offer at Rotherham. Meanwhile James Clarke has left Bristol Rovers to make whoopie with Walsall.