George Lawrence’s Shorts – Big Dickie energy

Hoopless

It’s not been a great week for KRob; on Saturday we went down 2-1 to Bolton Wanderers – our first defeat of the season. That was followed up with a 2-0 defeat to QPR in the Type 2 Diabetes Cup with sulky sixth former Rob Dickie handing in his homework past sensible Simon Eastwood from twenty-five yards to open the scoring.

Bread-based QPR manager Mark Warburton has clearly been reading too much GLS, “[Dickie will] keep on improving. He’s taken those lessons on board. This season for Rob is a really big one – to keep on that education and keep on learning.” Alright, you brioche bonced boss, we’ll do the school-based Rob Dickie jokes around here, thanks.

Tariqe Tofu

Oxford United Gastronomes were in raptures when the club announced that it had wrestled control of the snack bars from creepy Uncle Firoz. The Taliban-like advance, means the club has strategic control over the homity pies. Officials are now setting out to refresh the offering to fans. Future dishes include the healthy Houmousinho, Spotted Dickie and Dunkley’s Donuts and, for the traditionalists, a quarter-pounder cheese Burgess.

Little Liam

We thought we’d lost him down the back of the sofa, but it turns out that playmaker-in-your-pocket, Liam Kelly, will be playing a small role for Rochdale this season. That’s quite a climb down from when he was unveiled getting out of a helicopter at Feyenoord, which for a player of Kelly’s size, was quite a climb down in itself. Meanwhile loanee Elliot Lee has joined up with his dad Rob by signing for Charlton Athletic on loan from Luton.

Muscles memory

It’s Lincoln on Saturday and Mr Big Guns, MApp, has got a lot on his plate; and we’re not just talking protein shakes and raw eggs. “The best way I can describe it is that we have 13 senior outfield players to choose from, not many at all”. It’s a familiar feeling for MApp who remembers last season’s visit when his team was “full of Covid and injuries as well.” Nice, we’ll just slather on another layer of hand sanitiser if you don’t mind.

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