Saturday 5 December 2020
It was a momentous day on Saturday as fans were finally allowed back into the stadium for the visit of Hull City. The fans were buoyed by a decent performance against the top of the table Tigers, which ended in a 1-1 draw. Plenty of precautions were taken to ensure supporters were safe, they were asked to take their own food and drink, wear masks and maintain at least two metres distance or ‘touch tight’ as our defence call it.
Monday 7 December 2020
Vegan sandal wearing Extinction Rebels Forest Green Rovers visit the Kassam on Tuesday for a lactose free Veggie Supreme Papa John Pizza Trophy game. History is set to be made with a local Oxford schoolboy added to the home squad. GLS asked Big Janet from the papershop to the game on a date. Unfortunately when he said, with a knowing smile, ‘You never know, Gatlin O’Donkor could make his debut’ she looked alarmed, called him a pervert and kneed him in the groin.
Elsewhere, Basford United, coached by former Oxford lazybones Rob Duffy, will resume their season this week with the visit of Rushall Olympic in the FA Trophy. Duffy isn’t concerned about the six week break his team had during the lockdown; he was often idle for weeks on end in between efforts during his playing days in the Conference.
Tuesday 8 December 2020
Forest Green Rovers were mulched up and recycled out of the Papa John’s Trophy last night on penalties. Gatlin O’Donkor made his debut from the bench, becoming the youngest ever Oxford players and scoring the first penalty. It’s back down to Earth for O’Donkor who will be at school in the morning, he’s got PE first thing and his kit’s in the wash meaning he’ll have to do it in his pants and vest.
Wednesday 9 December 2020
KRob thinks his yellow card spurred a revival in his team last night. “I don’t like people saying ‘you’re getting relegated and we’re getting promoted’” Explained KRob, which happens to be a sick burn GLS used at primary school once.
KRob got right back in their grill: “There’s no blood on my players” he shouted, resulting in a booking for incomprehensible conduct.
Meanwhile, the lower league Jesus has got his timing all wrong, it’s Christmas but Ricky Holmes has been been talking about his resurrection at Northampton after retiring.
Thursday 10 December 2020
It was the Six Minute Fifty-Seven Second Fans Forum on Radio Oxford with Niall, don’t call me Niall, it’s Niall McWilliams. And. It. Kicked. Off. McWilliams confirmed rumours that corporate sponsors and members of the 1893 Club will get tickets for all three upcoming games in recognition for their premium priced season ticket. Fans didn’t like it, calling it favouritism. That’s not fair, the 1896 Club show admirable dedication to the club by paying £600 to listen to Peter Rhodes-Brown interviewing returning legends like Jon Ashton and Ricky Sappleton while drinking weak tea and eating garibaldi biscuits.
Friday 11 December 2020
There’ll be no Kiss Me Quick hats, donkey rides or itchy rashes for Oxford fans this year as the team travel to the Chlamydia Capital Blackpool on Saturday. Goalkeeper Chris Maxwell is a lazy sod; “I take pride in doing nothing in the game. If I do nothing in a game, I’m happier than when I save 10 shots and still keep a clean sheet.” Now that’s one Christmas present, we’re sure we can help with.