George Lawrence’s Shorts: Captain Contagious

Saturday 19 September 2020

Oxford succumbed to their second defeat of the season on Saturday, this time to doe-eyed cash puppy Stewart Donald’s Premier League giants Sunderland. The mood was lifted by the presence of a transit van full of coronavirus spores peeking over the fence end of the stadium. Oxford gifted the Mackems two goals and three points, while they gifted us six weeks on a ventilator and a couple of dead grandparents.

Sunday 20 September 2020

It seems like Ryan Ledson is coming of age after he ditched choir practice and Scouts to focus on his football career. Preston fans have been reacting to his man of the match performance against Norwich on Saturday. Surprisingly reactions didn’t include ‘Ooh, that’s a bit late.’, ‘He’ll be lucky to get away with a yellow for that.’ and ‘There’s no need to lunge in there’. 

Monday 21 September 2020

We all know how careful and considered KRob is with his public comments. He’s adamant that he’s going to hold back from publicly criticising the players after Saturday’s defeat to Sunderland. “Some of the stuff in [the second half] was atrocious – that’s as bad a performance in the second half as I’ve seen.” he said, publicly, about the players, two days ago.

Tuesday 22 September 2020

Failing to track and trace? Avoiding close contact with others? Getting paid for doing no work? Coronavirus is just a few under-hit back-passes away from being a parallel of Dwight Tiendelli’s Oxford United career. The crisis continues to cast a shadow over the game after a surge in cases in recent days. Thankfully, the country is ready to act and not do anything stupid like drive hundreds of miles to stand on a transit van. As a result, Boris Johnson has announced that he’s paused the programme to allow fans back into stadiums in October. It’s OK, Johnson is a big football fan, and a season ticket holder at Premier League London Park Rovers or something. He truly lives the wholesome values that has seen English football become the envy of the world; cheating their way to domination, cynically loading the cards in their favour and exploiting access to illicit foreign money from Russian oligarchs. 

Wednesday 23 September 2020

After a brief career as a viral social media meme, Luke Garbutt is back in football. The man that Carlo Ancelotti calls ‘who?’ is heading for the country’s chlamydia capital, Blackpool. The threat of catching a virus in Blackpool is much like any other town in the country these days, except in other towns it doesn’t involve a bucket of flaming sambuca and a candy floss seller called Doreen. 

Thursday 24 September 2020

It’s back! The Seven Minute Fans’ Forum was on the radio with Tiger. Speaking from his home in Thailand, Tiger assured fans that he’s able to fund the club as it hemorrhages money throughout the current crisis. Naturally, one fan thinks he’s got his priorities wrong and that attention should be focussed on the stadiumsituation and in particular building a fourth stand for nobody to sit in.

Friday 25 September 2020

Oxford revealed their new fancy third kit following the launch of their yellow home kit and the away kit whose official colour is known as Cynically Close to Yellow, Orange. The white shirt sees the return of the sublimated flux design that featured on last year’s home shirt. This was after there was a huge demand from fans wanting to know what a sublimated flux is. The new kit will debut on Saturday at Accrington due to the home side’s not in any way a clash with yellow, red home shirt.

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Oxblogger

Oxblogger is a blog about Oxford United.

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