George Lawrences Shorts: Matts Gloss

Saturday 15 February 2020

There was heartbreak for doe-eyed cash puppy Stewart Donald as Oxford United went down 1-0 to Sunderland whose owner, doe-eyed cash puppy Stewart Donald, was heartbroken by the news that his beloved Oxford United went down 1-0 to Sunderland.

Sunday 16 February 2020

We don’t mean to be the Jaja Binks of Oxford United by ruining a decent narrative, but Kilmarnock’s Stephen O’Donnell has been talking about his reasons for turning down a move to us during the transfer window. In it, he reveals himself to be a sentient human being demonstrating the ability to make a reasoned judgement based on a variety of competing factors.

On the other hand – JUST BUY ‘IM, WE CAN’T AFFORD ‘IM, WE’VE GOT NO AMBITION, and so on.

Monday 17 February 2020

GLS remembers with great fondness the collapse of the iconic pick n mix  conglomerate Woolworths. With prices plummeting, the memory of gorging on cut price confectionery remains to this day with the vague taste of cola bottles still accompanying every burp. The joys of running the aisles picking up cut-priced chickaboos, Airfix kits and Ah Ha postcards while shop workers cried over their impending redundancy was recalled with the news that Southampton and Burnley are keen to snap up sulky sixth former Rob Dickie while Leeds are monitoring Cameron Brannagan-again

Tuesday 18 February 2020

“…And that’s the story of a parasitic football club leaching off a poorer one, acquiring its valuable assets and selling them off for its own gain, leaving the original club destitute and homeless.”

“Thanks grandad for telling me about Kingstonian and Wimbledon, now tell me a story of hypocrisy.”

“Well…”

We were visited by institutional bullying apologists Wimbledon on Tuesday who were treated to a close up display of Oxford in full-flight. Two goals from Nathan Holland and one from James Henry were bookended by two Matty Taylor goals in a 5-0 rout.

Wednesday 19 February 2020

The Whoscored website, an entrapment device for involuntary celebate men everywhere, have taken an arbitrary set of spuriously collected numbers to decide our best players now we’re seventy percent into the season. This is a crucial poll to attract clickbait advertising pictures of semi-famous women ‘like you’ve never seen them before’. 

Jose’s Son John Mousinho, Cameron Brannagain, Sulky Sixth Former, Grange Hill’s Rob Dickie, the stepover kid and non-Oxford playing Tariqe Fosu and Henry James’ James Henry are our current top 5.

Elsewhere, former commercial director and chum of doe-eyed cash puppy Stewart Donald and moccasin wearing Charlie Methven, Tony Davison has got a job at Northampton Rugby Club. He was most recently at Sunderland where his biggest achievement was attracting the Spice Girls to do a gig at The Stadium of Light.

Thursday 20 February 2020

It was the Seven Minute Fifteen Second Fans Forum on Radio Oxford on Thursday with Tiger having a grrreat time in the hot seat. In it he confirmed that the club had made three bids for right-backs in the transfer window and that Shandon The Baptiste and the stepover kid Tariqe Fosu wanted to go to Brentford once a bid had come in.

So apart from the cup runs, giant killings, multi-million pound talent pipeline, play-off push and training ground, what has Tiger ever done for us?

Sort out the stadiumsituation? 

Oh, fark off.

Friday 21 February 2020

It’s Ipswich Town tomorrow, a fixture that hasn’t been played for decades. The club have been taking part in some groundbreaking research into the impact of sleep on performance with the club’s mystic soothsayer Gary Bloom. KRob thinks sleep could be the key to unlocking even more magical powers from the players.

As they say, you snooze, you lose. Wait, hang on.

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Oxblogger

Oxblogger is a blog about Oxford United.

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