George Lawrences Shorts: The Kitching sink

Saturday 4 January 2020

Oxford cruised into the fourth round of the FA Cup with a 4-1 win over Hartlepool. After eight minutes, sulky sixth former Rob Dickie scuffed a backpass like he was kicking a stone after arguing with his mum which allowed Hartlepool’s Mark Kitching to nip in to score. After that, it was The Shandon the Baptiste Show who invented more new angles than a Daily Mail columnist racially bating Meghan Markle. Baptiste then weaved through the Hartlepool defence and half of next week’s Rotherham line-up to score our second. 

Sunday 5 January 2020

With Charlie Methven hanging up his suede moccasins last month, lonely Sunderland doe-eyed cash puppy Stewart Donald was seen looking lovingly at Oxford’s FA Cup win over Hartlepool rather than supporting his own team in their game against Lincoln. Donald recently bowed to the demands of entitled Mackems and put his club up for sale

Elsewhere, round the clock football website: Football 365 thinks Tariqe Fosu is ready for the Premier League. He will, just two promotions to negotiate first.

Monday 6 January 2020

There was more fondling of velvet ball bags on Monday as the FA Cup draw was made. Oxford will make the trip to Rochdale or Sports Direct’s flagship football club Newcastle United. Like zero hours Sports Direct factory workers seeing how many of their oversized mugs they can stack – it’s a big cup game.

Tuesday 7 January 2020

* cue: A Team theme tune *

In 2020, a crack football manager was banned from the touchline by a FA Tribunal for a crime he didn’t commit. This man promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Oxford underground. Today, still wanted by the FA he survives as a manager of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them….maybe you can hire The KRob-Team.

At the same time, Hartlepool’s Gime Toure has been given a three match ban after decking sulky sixth former Rob Dickie on Saturday behind the ref’s back.

Wednesday 8 January 2020

Holland and Kelly is a local friendly High Street estate agents in the town where GLS lives. Their attentive nature and unparalleled local knowledge is invaluable when we are looking at houses we can’t afford and have no intention of buying but need to waste time before the pub opens.

So, we were pretty surprised when its founders Nathan Holland and Liam Kelly signed for Oxford on loan, there’s a six bedroom town house on Arcacia Avenue we wanted to look around.

Thursday 9 January 2020

I mean, we’re not pretending it was an edifying sight, but Thursday saw KRob, buoyed by even more signings of Marcus Browne and Rob Atkinson, moonwalking into Radio Oxford giving flirtatious ‘call-me’ signs to the receptionist for the 5 Minute 48 Second Fans Forum.

In it, he confirmed that he didn’t expect Matty Taylor or Cameron Brannagan to go in the transfer window, but did suggest that Leeds have an interest in another player.

Friday 10 January 2020

It’s Rotherham tomorrow; ah, the tradition of football – the end of the working week, 3pm kick-offs, the smell of Bovril in the stands, yet another 1500 word essay on how Christophe Wilde dragged himself up by the bootstraps. The cosmopolitan sophisticate has just signed a new contract at Sheffield United.

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Oxblogger is a blog about Oxford United.

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