Saturday 24 October 2019
Sam Long, the only player in the current squad to have played for Headington United in the Southern League, was on the scoresheet against Rochdale on Saturday in another 3-0 routing. It was his first goal for the club since getting the winner against Summertown Constitutionals in the Oxfordshire Invitational Vase just before he went to fight in the first World War.
Sunday 25 October 2019
The great and the good, along with Peter Rhodes-Brown, gathered at The Brittannia pub in Headington on Sunday to reveal a Blue plaque commemorating the founding of the club 126 years ago. The plaque is the result of a long campaign by fans to warn people against the dangers of carrying out pub dreams after a bucket of strong ale.
Monday 26 October 2019
Zaki the Unstoppable Sense Machine has been announced as the club’s vice chairman. Zaki will be Tiger’s representative on Earth as he’s the only board member based on the UK. ‘I’m looking forward to endlessly answering questions about the stadiumsituation from Trevor from Bicester.’ he probably said.
Tuesday 28 October 2019
Charlie Methven’s red socks and brown suede moccasins may not be enough to save Sunderland after all. Charlie and his doe-eyed cash puppy Stewart Donald brought the Mackems to Oxford on Tuesday for the Type 2 Diabetes Cup tie. The Aylesbury Ashley Young Rob Hall scored the opener and, though pegged back to 1-1, Oxford went through on penalties. Sunderland’s Will Grigg, who Methven and Donald spaffed £4m on, blazed over one of their penalties. The scouting report for Grigg said ‘No talent, funny song, must sign’.
Wednesday 30 October 2019
Jurgen Klopp is running scared of the rampant Yellows by threatening to remove his team from the Type 2 Diabetes Cup. The next round is scheduled for mid-December when Liverpool are due to play in The Club World Cup. ‘Yes, we are a group of multi-millionaires with more resources than almost every other team in the world, but have you seen Josh Ruffels’ form lately?’ said Klopp before flashing one of those maniacal media smiles of his.
Elsewhere, a football grounds website has ranked The Kassam the 13th best in League 1, which we’re sure you’ll agree, is proof they have never been there.
Thursday 31 October 2019
On Thursday, there was so much ball juggling in the presence of a bunch of elites, we were surprised that Prince Andrew didn’t turn up. The draw for the quarter final of the Type 2 Diabetes Cup was made with the mighty Yellows being drawn at home to oil rich cash bores Manchester City.
It was also the Six Minute Twenty-Five Second Fans Forum on Radio Oxford with Captain Sensible Zaki. This is a great opportunity for fans to contribute their ideas for the success of the club. Parking was one reason suggested for low crowds. The club are looking at whether Simon Eastwood could offer a valet service to entitled fans while we fill our boots with goals at the other end of the pitch.
Friday 1 November 2019
Former Oxford United tabard wearing specialist Dexter Blackstock has turned into Doctor Blackstock since retiring. He’s started a company which he says will save the NHS millions of pounds. This will be achieved by having a website of impenetrable wiffle about blockchain and over-use of online pharmacies.
Millions of pounds? People’s health and wellbeing? Cutting edge technology? Thank goodness it’s all in the hands of someone so adept at unzipping a quilted jacket.