George Lawrence’s Shorts: Things that everyday folk leave behind

Saturday 12 October 2019

It was another immaculate display on Saturday as Oxford romped their way to a 3-0 win over Doncaster. Afterwards KRob broke off a live radio interview to have a ruck with the Donny subs who were warming down on a part of the pitch they weren’t supposed to be on. ‘Sorry, things are so perfect, I’ve got nothing left to lose my shit about.’ said KRob panting with the satisfaction of a dog that had just had a swim in cow slurry.

Sunday 13 October 2019

The sad news as Oxford United super-fan Andy ‘Womble’ James died on Sunday. At one point, Womble attended 1200 consecutive Oxford games over a period of 15 years. That includes every one of Les Robinson’s 458 games for the club, each of the 101 goals conceded by Richard Knight in 2000 and every lung busting run made by Dave Savage, which our statisticians calculate as being approximately none.

Monday 14 October 2019

As GLS wakes on a Monday morning with the rain hammering down against his window he often questions the futility of life’s purpose, why nobody on Come Dine With Me serves baked beans on toast in front of the TV and who is East Yorkshire’s best player. Thankfully, a third of those questions have now been answered. East Yorkshire, if you’re not sure, is basically Hull with an en suite. Fourth in the list was jugged eared Oxford legend Dean Windass. Next, the futility of life’s purpose…

Tuesday 15 October 2019

… or Hearts’ worst decisions, perhaps? Former Oxford manager Graham Rix was so dedicated to nurturing young talent they put him on a special register. Edinburgh Live have voted his appointment as the Jambos’ manager as their second worst decision ever. Apparently when the Hearts owner looked Rix in the eye, he saw a hero. Perhaps he should have looked longer, he may have seen that he was also a paedophile, racist and bully, as well as a terrible manager.

Wednesday 16 October 2019

The club have announced that they plan to offer an option to fans for a refund to season ticket holders for the game that was cancelled due to Bury’s demise. It reminds GLS of the time Auntie Edna was caught routing around in dead Uncle Albert’s suit pockets looking for his wallet while he lay in his casket in the front room.

Liverpool wunderkind Ben Woodburn has opened up about his career to the Daily Mail. ‘Turning twenty means he can no longer be called a teenager’ said the Mail in a rare moment of factual clarity. 

Thursday 18 October 2019

It was the Six Minute Eighteen Second Fans’ Forum on Thursday with Jose’s son John Mousinho. Like a slightly plump lady being asked when the baby is due; most of the questions focussed on the retirement he hasn’t announced and coaching he’s not doing. Au contraire; said Mr Mousinho, he is in the form of his Oxford United life; and what does he put this awakening to? ‘We’re playing so well, I don’t have to touch the ball as often’.

Prize for the most conflated footballing analysis goes to Football Fan Cast who claim that ex-Oxford loanee Jordan Graham is so desperate to get his career back on track he’s gone to a racist country to do it. Graham is currently on loan in Bulgaria.

Friday 19 October 2019

Oxford head for the Big Apple on Saturday to play at the ground so bad they named it once – The New York Stadium. Oh yes, we wanna wake up in the city that never sleeps… Rotherham. 

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Oxblogger

Oxblogger is a blog about Oxford United.

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