Burton Albion 0 Yellows 0

To appease Sarah for coming 5th in a local newspaper competition to collect tokens to win a wedding, Graham asked his girlfriend of 10 months to marry him anyway. And so they did. Graham subsequently left Sarah weeks later only to return occasionally ‘drunk and with curry down his front’ for casual sex.

She eventually fell pregnant and Graham, under a sense of misguided obligation, returned to his new bride to start afresh. “A wedding doesn’t mean anything, anyone can write something on a bit of paper can’t they?” said Sarah with knowing gravity, as if we should listen to a single word that dummkopf says.

Such was Channel 4’s Newlyweds – One Year Itch about the immediate aftermath of a wedding, a salient series of lessons on the perils of putting too much emphasis on a single event.

The Resurrection screamed the brilliantly portentous banner from the Coors East Stand Terrace at the Pirelli Stadium. A rebirth, some think, that will see us storm League 2 like Dagenham, Exeter, Rushden, Hereford and Cheltenham before us. Not only that, we will then pick up the Blackpool story and race right through the Premiership for an embarrassing relegation, eyeball bleeding debt and liquidation at the hands of HMRC.

Now, if we become a club synonymous with following an apocalyptical quest full of myth, mystery and magic existing only in our imagination, then that’s fine by me. If the Premiership is all corporate foreign owned franchises, then I’m off to do a bit of dragon slaying.

That said, the 0-0 draw with Burton was a very sensible and sober start to whatever foolhardy mission we’ve embarked on. This is OK; all good missions should start with a relatively harmless early skirmish that doesn’t kill you but gives you enough encouragement to carry on towards the fiery abyss.

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Oxblogger is a blog about Oxford United.

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