Red Dwarf was a rather limited concept. There is little scope for plot development when your entire premise is that everyone in the universe, bar one, has died. That’s why they invented plot devices like The Time Gate, a hole in time that, on passing through, allows you to meet yourself as a complete opposite. 
It seems we’ve passed through a time gate in non-league football this summer. Big time Charlie, Greedy Matt Green, soberly returned to the small time as a third choice striker. Ronaldo might have the arrogant swagger and talent to engineer a move to Madrid but Greedy has the only just got the skills to pay his telephone and leccy bills, not Ferarris and be-atches. Nobody ever swaggered to Torquay, unless they were over 80 or on a stag do.

The Conference’s Setanta deal was another genius move by the immaculate Brian Lee. The Conference became a Premier League and TV access came through premium rate pay-per-view. The cameras were allowed into the dressing room so that fans could smell the tactical mind of the manager. “Just fucking launch it, Sean” never had so much meaning. Suddenly football being played on a potato field surrounded by four cattle sheds was supposed to be sexy and its precocious talents, like Greedy, were stars.

But that was in the days when the small time was the big time and the big time was the absolutely fucking gigantic time. Now we’ve passed through the time gate, a more sober world beckons. 

For us, Greedy is a good move, a decent third striker who could easily put another 10 goals onto our tally for next season. For the Conference, a re-think is needed. It is small town, localised football but it’s competitive and affordable. If it is sold like the over inflated Premiership it will eventually be found for what it is.

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