The name Charlie Raglan may resonate gently somewhere at the back of your consciousness. When his name appeared on the Barrow team sheet for their goalless draw against Oldham over the international break. It got me thinking, where the heck are all the other Oxford United alumni plying their trade nowadays?

During the international break I briefly caught a few moments of Sky’s coverage of Oldham’s goalless draw with Barrow. Incredibly, this wasn’t the moment I started hating football forever, but more of that later.

In part, I was drawn to Andy Whing, Barrow’s current manager, but another name caught my eye, Charlie Raglan. Raglan is Schoedinger’s footballer; I remember him but can’t tell you when he signed for us. I assumed he’d just evaporated into the footballing ether, but it seems not. It triggered a thought, what are the Oxford United alumni up to these days? Like a jealous ex trawling Facebook, I decided to dig a little deeper.

Let’s start at the very top; in the Premier League, aside from having Keith Andrews as Brentford manager, we’re not well represented in the Best League in the World. Walking pub quiz question, Emiliano Martinez is the highest placed Oxford alumnus at 13^th placed Aston Villa, while Ashley Barnes is still at Burnley, although at 35, he hasn’t had a sniff of first team action this season.

It’s in the Championship where things get more interesting. Alex Mowatt is a regular starter with West Brom in 7^th place, just ahead of Max Crocombe at Millwall in 8th and Wes Burns, who is out with an injury, at 9^th placed Ipswich Town. In 10^th is the Bristol City quartet of Rob Dickie, Rob Atkinson, Mark Sykes and, the currently injured, Luke McNally.

Josh Murphy is leading the charge at Portsmouth in 14^th, while Jordan Archer is Pompey’s Simon Eastwood making up the numbers at Fratton Park. These two are one-place ahead of Hull City’s John Lundstram (nine games, one goal) and Kyle Joseph (two in eight). James Beadle isn’t having a great time at sixteenth placed Birmingham City having started only one game on loan from Brighton. He leads fellow glovesman George Long at Southampton (17^th) who has yet to start a game. In 18^th place are Wrexham where Elliott Lee looks surplus to requirements. Two places below them, Carlton Morris is having a better time at Derby with four goals, but Curtis Nelson isn’t even registered as a squad player due to injury. Still, they’re not Alex Matos who is propping up the division at Sheffield United.

Of course, there’s more action on the bench; John Mousinho continues to impress at Pompey, Liam Manning is at Norwich (19th) and Chris Wilder can’t stay away from Sheffield United.

Ben Hinchcliffe may only have played six Conference games for us, but he’s taken his gloves to Stockport County who are 4^th in League One. Their captain, Lewis Bate, is currently out injured. Steve Seddon and Marcus Browne both feature regularly at Wimbledon in fifth while Ryan Ledson, Herbie Kane and Marcus McGuane are all at Huddersfield in 7^th (Kane and McGuane are both struggling with injuries). Shandon Baptiste’s injury problems continue at Luton in 11^th but Jordan Bowery and Tyler Roberts are both regulars at Mansfield in 12^th as are Sean Clare and Idris El Mizouni at Leyton Orient in 13th. A place below them, Jordan Thorniley is finally getting game time on loan at Northampton while Kyle Edwards has only featured on their bench once.

Owen Dale’s Plymouth loan isn’t going brilliantly; he’s only started three games and now sits in 18^th. Kyran Lofthouse is playing regularly in 20^th at Burton while Jack Stevens spends all his time on the bench at 21^stplaced Reading. Still, he’s not Peter Kioso who hasn’t inspired Peterborough to rise off the foot of the table despite being ever-present since moving on loan.

In League Two, Billy Bodin is inspiring Swindon to 2nd in the division, one ahead of Armani Little at Gillingham although injury has kept him out of their last four games. Liam Kelly and Dan Crowley are both pulling the strings at MK Dons in 4th while Chey Dunkley remains a force at 6^th placed Chesterfield and James Golding is a regular is in 8^th on loan at Crewe. 

Ninth is Salford with an avalanche former names – Kevin Berkoe is probably the biggest surprise, although he’s on loan at Rochdale. Ben Woodburn and Luke Garbutt are regular starters in Karl Robinson’s starting eleven, although Mackenzie Chapman has barely made the bench. 

At 14^th is Josh McEachran, an ever-present at Bristol Rovers where Stephan Negru has yet to start. Two places below them is Jack Payne who has netted four in eleven at Colchester United. Will Goodwin is still there on loan but is currently injured. Conor McAleny is a regular at Harrogate as is Charlie Raglan at Andy Whing’s Barrow. Kane Hemmings is also on the books but has only played a couple of times.

Cameron Norman is a regular in 19^th at Tranmere, while Michael Appleton has bolstered his beleaguered Shrewsbury Town in 22nd with the signing of Josh Ruffels. James Clarke is on the margins at Newport in 23^rd and bringing up the rear is Robbie Cundy, who has only made one start but is propping up the Football League at Cheltenham Town.

Tyler Smith has only made one start at Rochdale, but leads the National League. Both Slavi Spasov and Leon Chambers-Parillon are a bit in and out at Southend in 8^th. Richard Brindley is a regular at Eastleigh in 13^th is one ahead of Joe Grayson at Gateshead while Jake Forster-Caskey is in 18^th with Woking. James Henry is still a regular starter, but is one place lower at Aldershot.

This is all very well, but what about Oxford around the world? In the Scottish Premier League, Stuart Findlay leads the table at Hearts. You have to go to 7th to find Chris Cadden and Jordan Obita of Hibernian, Joe Rothwell might be wondering why he decided to join Rangers in 8th, who are just one place ahead of Cristian Montano of Livingstone.

Oisin Smyth is at 2nd placed Partick Thistle in the Scottish Championship, albeit on loan from St Mirren, while Sean McGinty bookends the table at bottom placed Airdrieonians.

In the Republic of Ireland, Gavin Whyte is at Derry City, Ed McGinty plays for Shamrock Rovers and Joel Cooper is at Coleraine.

Across the rest of Europe, Callum O’Dowda is in Hungary with Ferencvárosi TC while Dan Agyei is in Turkey at Kocaelispor. Fin Stevens is in the Bundesliga at St. Pauli while Jonjoe Kenny recently left Hertha Berlin to join PAOK Thessaloniki in Greece. 

Benji Büchel is an almost permanent fixture at FC Vaduz in Liechtenstein (playing in the Swiss Challenge League) while Toni Martinez is in La Liga at Deportivo Alaves. Xemi Fernández is a little further down in the third tier at SD Ponferradina. Of course, Instagram’s Marcelino Ferdinan, is at Slovak Supaliga side, Trenčín. 

In France, Ahmed Kashi plays for second tier Annecy. While Tyler Burey is at HŠK Zrinjski Mostar in the Bosnian Premier League. 

Further afield, Rúben Rodrigues is in Brazil with Esporte Clube Vitória while Ryan Williams is at Bengaluru FC in India and Gino van Kessel is at Forca Kochi in the Kerala Super League. 

Djavan Anderson has secured himself a place in the Saudi Pro League with Al-Ittifaq. Des Buckingham is sullying himself at Al-Kholood. Kyle Vassell is at Colorado Springs Switchbacks in the American second tier while Ben Davis is at Uthai Thani in the Thai Premier League. I know what you’re thinking, what about Dai Wai Tsun? He’s at Shanghai Shenhua in the Chinese Super League.

Sure, that’s great, but how about the Baller League, I hear you say. And also, what’s the Baller League? 

Well, it’s some kind of indoor six-a-side abomination which is approaching its second season. It features celebrity managers and tries to emit the kind of cool that only virgins in marketing consultancies make up. Still, it’s another professional outlet for Brandon Barker who is playing for ‘Rukkas’, managed by Idris Elba, Nathan Holland who has joined N5 (managed by Jens Lehmann, Robert Pires and YouTuber Eman SV2). Josh Parker has been picked by a YouTuber called TBJZL (Nick Harris pronunciation adjudication panel decision: uncertain) to play for VZN, while Tyrone Marsh will be playing for the ‘definitely not there for the horny teenagers’ Alisha Lehmann and Maya Jama’s MVP. 

And this is precisely the point I started hating football.