Oxford United are masters of inconsequential firsts. In 1950, Headington United were the first professional team to install floodlights, using them for a friendly against Banbury Spencer. This wasn’t the first game under floodlights; that happened over seventy years earlier, by amateurs Sheffield FC, but we were the first to use them after an FA ban.

In July 1978, the fee for Gary Briggs’ transfer from Middlesbrough to Oxford United was the first to be decided by a transfer tribunal. He was due to be the second to be heard, but the first case was settled before it reached the panel.

In February 1999, we were the first team to host a pay-per-view football game in Britain. It was a concept so unpalatable, Sky chose Oxford v Sunderland as an experiment because it wouldn’t divert attention from their regular matches or affect the crowd size. In essence, it was set up to fail, which it did, the sides playing out a 0-0 draw and PPV fizzled out to nothing.

Quite why TNT thought Oxford v MK Dons should be amongst the fixtures selected to launch this year’s FA Cup 3^rdRound coverage is anyone’s guess. Perhaps the match selectors used ChatGPT and it was an artificial intelligence hallucination which assumed because Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire share a border it was some kind of Waitrose War of the Roses.

Perhaps it calculated that the two sides are like the warring neighbourhoods of the Palio di Siena and that rather than decide their differences via a horse race, they come together periodically to battle over which team gets to keep Karl Robinson. 

Maybe it was because MK Dons are looking good for League 2 promotion, while Championship Oxford are struggling. Perhaps, despite the apparent chasm of two divisions, they thought it was ripe for a giant killing.

In truth, regardless of what the algorithms might tell us, it was a fixture of two clubs more similar than they are different. Even though one of them has a new company car and the other was recently made redundant, we still both live in the same cul-de-sac.

If that wasn’t clear before, the familiar faces of Dan Crowley, Jay Matete and Liam Kelly in the MK line-up should have been a reminder. None covered themselves in glory with us but it wasn’t that long ago we were enjoying their patronage. The distance we’ve travelled since isn’t that far. An old nemesis, Paul Warne gurning from the bench offered a further reminder.

It was never going to stir much romance, this week has been more about the search for (and now revealing of) a new manager and whether Storm Goretti might scupper the whole tie. It was a game that, spiritually and morally, we couldn’t really win and we knew that the MK Dons’ stadium always has all the atmosphere of a haunted cathedral.

In fact, the most feverous atmosphere was in the increasingly panicky MacDonalds outside as the early kick-off meant that it was full of Oxford fans, and one MK ultra dressed as Dean Lewington, trying to get something to eat while the Deliveroo drivers of Milton Keynes weaved in and out to service the Friday night treat crowds of Bradwell Common and Fishermead (I had to look those up).

Craig Short cobbled together a side which resembled a toddler playing with your Lego Star Wars Millennium Falcon. All the pieces looked familiar, but they weren’t in the right places. Returning with little fanfare were Cameron Brannagan and Matt Phillips, arriving in similar muted fashion were Jamie Donley and Myles Peart-Harris. Matt Ingram in goal was the Duplo farmyard animal that had replaced Chewbacca in the Falcon’s cockpit.

It felt, and was, disjointed, deliberately so, this wasn’t a priority for anyone it was a box ticking exercise. Donley exited early, apparently with concussion, but it shouldn’t have been a surprise that while the opening 35 minutes were relatively comfortable, neither side really took the initiative.

Conceding a soft set-piece goal was a useful reminder that this was still 2026 Oxford United. MK set up in a row outside the box and advanced like the front line in the opening credits to Dad’s Army. Once they were in the box, they simply motored through our confused defensive formation to allow Aaron Collins an easy tap in. 

Ingram prevented a second with his shoulder, but despite the unnecessary wall of boos at half-time, it was clear that they would dip. The question was how far behind would we be by the time they did?

The second half was better, more because they wilted while we were able to maintain a steady progress. Lankshear equalised from a familiar Will Vaulks long throw routine and it began to feel more comfortable.

There were moments, Ingram was much more solid than he’s ever been for us before. But, once we were beyond the hour mark we could start bringing on players that strengthened us while they buckled. How many times have we gasped in horror as a Championship opposition make a 75^th minute substitution by introducing £10m of attacking talent from the bench? Well, on a different scale, that was us.

The problem we have is that beyond Stan Mills we don’t have many obvious attacking threats. Peart-Harris showed signs of similar directness, but we’re still burdened with the frustrating unpredictability of Dembele and Krastev. Once Mills, Brannagan and Vaulks were replaced, it was hard to know where a goal might come from.

It didn’t, so the game was decided by penalty kicks, not something we have experienced for 611 days. The voices behind me catastrophised that this was a lottery we were bound to lose. In fact, penalties typically go the way of the bigger team as technique and pressure begin to tell. As each Oxford player stepped forward, it was clear that although we get frustrated with them, the mentality that has taken them to the Championship was evident. Each kick was solid, putting greater pressure on MK not to make a mistake. They did, twice, and we’re through.

It’s hard to say if it tells us anything, Matt Bloomfield appeared on the screen in the stadium several times, hopefully he’ll have seen enough to be optimistic for us even if there’s plenty of work still to do. A diverting trip to a Premier League side next might be just what the doctor ordered.