Saturday saw the running of the 12^th Appleton Cup. Admittedly, not a trophy high on Gary Rowett’s agenda because it exists entirely as a figment of my imagination. 

Many years ago, like bluesman, Robert Johnson, I reached my crossroads and sold my soul to the devil to follow Oxford United. Now, I’d reached a dead end and I decided maybe it was time for a re-think. We’d just completed a tedious season in which even Chris Wilder had given up and gone to Northampton. Then Eales, Ashton and Appleton, breezed in to take the reins in a move which appeared both brutal and arrogant. 

I found myself wondering why I was still in this abusive relationship with the club.  I needed some agency so decided that the fixtures would no longer dictate the cadence of my existence. I started with a simple act of defiance, booking a holiday for the October half-term.

2014/15 worked out OK, I missed a 2-1 defeat to Carlisle away. That season seemed to confirm my unease, I chose to miss a home game against York in April to go out with friends. We drew 0-0 and I missed precisely nothing while having a great time. I decided to give the club one more season before giving up my season ticket and becoming a more selective Oxford fan. 

2015/16 changed everything – promotion, giant killings, Wembley, derby wins – a celestial force reminding me in captivating gales why I do what I do. Perhaps it needed a season painted in such primary colours. I renewed my season ticket, but the last weekend in October remained committed to non-football, in its place was the Appleton Cup, a game which would be played in my absence between Oxford United and whoever they were playing that weekend.

How far does the abuse by your football club need to go before you fall out of love with it? After the defeat to Wrexham, these questions were starting to creep into my thoughts. It wasn’t so much the performance, which I thought was typical rather than poor, it was just the realisation that even the best times are often disappointing.  

If you’re a Sheffield Wednesday fan, that limit will have been tested in the last few months. It shows you’ve been to a dark place when you’re celebrating administration and a 12-point deduction. They’ve ridded themselves of Dejphon Chansiri, but the experience must have left some Wednesday fans wondering whether it’s worth the effort of dragging themselves off the canvas again.

My malaise and theirs were fused together when it was announced that Wednesday had gone into administration on Friday. Many Oxford fans had the same reaction; it was just our luck to suddenly be facing a club riding the crest of emotion. After all, look at what happened against Sheffield United after six straight defeats and the return of Chris Wilder a few weeks ago.

We’ve been here before, of course. Back in 2013 we faced Portsmouth after they’d spent over a year in administration and were back in the safe hands of their supporter’s trust. Fratton Park was awash with relief and emotion; there was a sense that the spirit of Pompey alone would somehow resurrect their fortunes. Famously, before they knew what was happening, we blew them out of the water winning 4-1.

That result is fondly remembered, but the context is lost. By rights, we were an irrelevance in that story and Portsmouth should have been able to announce their return from the brink with a joyous and comprehensive win.

So, while I headed to the Lake District, Oxford headed to Hillsborough. For some we seemed to have already lost, the fear being we’d be crushed by a rejuvenated Wednesday despite the seeping wounds from the last few months only just starting to heal.

Immediately after their administration was announced, Wednesday started to remove the white seats which spelt ‘Chansiri’ across one of their stands. Before the game, a video was played which started with the removal of a problematic ‘Chansiri.exe’ file from the club. The stands were full after weeks of boycotts. It wasn’t subtle.

Will Lankshear’s goal after eleven minutes, diving to head in Cameron Brannagan’s cross, put a pin in the expectation bubble that had inflated to a point that their real problem – a squad of inexperienced teenagers – was obscured. Brannagan’s smart low free-kick ten minutes before half-time created a cushion, we seemed to be cruising. 

It didn’t take much to push the momentum in the opposite direction, Sean Fusire fired in a scrappy goal on 53 minutes. The shift caused us to buckle, Shemmy Placheta could have made it 3-1, but they could easily have equalised. We took the points, but it should have been more comfortable.

The response from many Oxford fans was negative; despite equalling last season’s away win tally before the clocks go back, despite doing the only thing we could do – win the game, despite managing that wave of emotion which might have tipped the advantage in their favour, the performance was being pulled apart; it wasn’t a win, it was a bad win.

It was a win, but it wasn’t good enough. Why couldn’t we just put three or four past them and not let them pass the half-way line? Is it because football is difficult, and football in the Championship is really difficult? Look at Cameron Brannagan, he’s made three or four big mistakes this season and yet still delivered the cross for Will Lankshear and scored a free-kick from 30 yards. Is he failing? Is he not trying? It would take a brave Oxford fan to accuse Brannagan of that.

And yes, they have an inexperienced squad which will almost certainly lead to their relegation, but they only lost 1-0 to Middlesbrough on Wednesday, beat Portsmouth away, drew with Birmingham and beat Leeds in the League Cup. Football is hard, the margins are small, it takes ten months of relentless effort to decide who is the best and worst teams.

Perhaps some perspective is needed, a bit of distance from the front line. This is the benefit of the Appleton Cup. When my dad was alive but unable to get to games he would often tell me that when James Constable plays, he scores and we win. I would argue about Constable’s all-round game or lack of pace, but ultimately, my dad was right. I don’t remember any of the details of Constable’s all-round game or lack of pace, I remember his goals and the wins it gave us. We’ve just secured our second win in three with two home games to come. That was the expectation and that’s what was delivered, perhaps we could have exceeded that with a better performance, but to what benefit? These criticisms might be coaching points, but they’re not the real point.