George Lawrences Shorts: Cadden falling star and put it in your pocket

Saturday 28 December 2019

Look, between Christmas and New Year we have no idea what day it is, when the bins go out and we’ve reached the point where choosing the healthy meal option means picking a Bounty out of our box of Celebrations. So, we can’t be absolutely sure if it’s true that Bolton and Motherwell are interested in the services former Oxford work experience student Jonte Smith, but anything is possible. 

Sunday 29 December 2019

The crazy gang met the culture club on Sunday with Oxford running out 2-1 winners over Wimbledon. Orphaned Oxford Jedward Mark Sykes donned his neon winklepickers and scored the second half winner. 

To you and I, he’s the chatty scouser with the viscosity of custard, but it turns out that KRob may actually be football’s master puppeteer. It turns out that he was the evil genius behind Rangers’ recent derby win over Celtic.

Monday 30 December 2019

He was near ever-present for Oxford during the 1960s clocking over 500 games over 15 years. The man Sam Long described as a bit of a newcomer, John Shuker, sadly died on Monday

Tuesday 31 December 2019

In the last decade there have been about 40,000 hours of professional football played in England. Drunk betting website The Sack Race have rated cosmopolitan sophisticat Christophe Wilde as the best manager of the decade. OF. THE. DECADE. The man who signed Tom Newey and David Hunt beat Pep Guardiola, Alex Ferguson and Jose Mourinho. 

OF. THE. WHOLE. DAMN. DECADE.

Wednesday 1 January 2020

A New Year! Now we’re in the future, it’s all teleporting, silver suits and power pills. Apart from Jamie Mackie who has thrown a canvas bag over his shoulder and headed to the hills to live off the fruits of the forest until ‘you all come to your senses’. And with good reason as the crumbling of society began with a 1-0 defeat to Doncaster.

Elsewhere, we’re always very proud when our former players really go on to achieve great things, Gavin Whyte helicopter impression made it into the top 20 most read sports stories on Belfast Live last year.

Thursday 2 January 2020

Cowboy Chris Cadden has loaded up his horse and headed out west to join the homesteaders Columbus Crew. The announcement triggered a trolling war with something called The Crew View, sort of GLS with a gun fetish. It’s a big challenge for Cadden to move over 3,500 miles given that he previously listed his major achievement when moving to Oxford as ironing his own trousers.

It was also announce that Oussama Zamouri has left the club; Zamouri made one appearance depriving Oxford fans of the opportunity to sing: “When you forget who you’ve got, and you’ve not had a shot, that’s Zamouri”. 

Friday 3 January 2020

KRob has gone all jealous ex-boyfriend to slide into Cowboy Chris Cadden’s DMs pleading with him to come back to Oxford. Expect him to appear stripped to the waist, with a bag of cans at Cowboy Chris’ ranch drunkenly singing Ed Sheeran ballads at 4 in the morning in an attempt to get him back. 

Meanwhile, there will be a new song on the terraces for the visit of Hartlepool in the Cup. All together now: ‘We’re by far the 15th greatest team, the EFL has ever seen (this decade)‘.