Sunday 25 July 2021
With no football to busy the minds of young men, it’s no a surprise to hear there’s a lot of Jacking off going on. The first Jack off, is Jack Grealish, who looks set for Manchester City despite Aston Villa offering him a new contract. Another Jack off could be Jack Stevens who Villa are interested in signing from Oxford.
Monday 26 July 2021
The Top man’s top man Jakey right right Wright has been talking to the MSM, The Hucknall Despatch, about his recent move to Boston. Boston, he says, are a massive club in the Northern Conference, which, when you realise they’ll be playing teams like Spennymoor and Curzon Athletic, is like winning a tallest dwarf competition.
Tuesday 27 July 2021
Following last week’s revelation that former loanee Tyler Roberts is dating Love Island’s Georgia Steel (no, us neither), news reaches us that Ryan Ledson has been getting his mistimed tackle out with Corrie actor Lucy Fallon. Fallon plays Bethany Platt, the granddaughter of chinless national treasure Gail. Lego featured on Fallon’s Instagram feed sharing a bowl of Betty’s Hot Pot on a date night, let’s just be thankful it wasn’t Bet Lynch who caught his eye, she’d have crushed him to dust.
Wednesday 28 July 2021
Nothing says pre-season like a KRob LSD-induced friendly innovation. On the back of ideas like ‘two games in two days’ and ‘horseback five-a-side’*, KRob went for double Posh – which is nearly as posh as something from the Tesco’s Finest range that isn’t part of a meal deal. Quantum physicist, KRob, decided that the squad should play two simultaneous games against Peterborough on Wednesday, in the process, he proved there’s no such thing as a parallel universe as both games ended 2-2.
*Unconfirmed at the time of going to press.
Thursday 29 July 2021
There’s only one thing that KRob loves more than a winger, and that’s a returning winger. You should have seen the cheeky smile on his face when Nathan Holland walked through the door on a season long loan from West Ham.
Elsewhere, former-Oxford boss Graham Rix, whose only crimes have been having sex with a minor, being accused of racism and bullying and signing Courtney Pitt, has joined Gosport Borough as assistant manager.
Friday 30 July 2021
Life can move pretty fast sometimes; it was recently revealed that board member Anindya Bakri and baby-faced billionaire Eric Thohir were interested in taking a controlling interest in the club. And, a mere five months later, Bakri has confirmed that this still could be the case.
Saturday 31 July 2021
KRob’s first-choice eleven for this season is beginning to look like the team Simon Eastwood might invite to play in his testimonial in ten years time. Willy wangning winger, Gavin Whyte becomes the third player to return to the club this summer, signing on a season’s long loan from Cardiff.
Elsewhere, Oxford went down 3-2 to Bristol Rovers in their final pre-season friendly. Oxford led through goals from Steve Seddon and James Henry, but were pegged back by two late goals from Brett Pitman. The late goals were a proper punch in the guts from Joey Barton’s Rovers, something Barton specialises in, it seems.