Sunday 9 August 2020
It’s like the opening sequence to Dad’s Army; a well trodden path from Merseyside via The Kassam to the Bundesliga in Germany. Following in the footsteps of Jonjoe Kenny’s loan to Schalke last year, Wunderkind Ben Woodburn is reportedly interested in a loan move to Fortuna Dusseldorf.
Monday 10 August 2020
When the club suggested to Derek Fazackerley that he might want to consider moving upstairs, he was half expecting to be handed a pile of Dignitas brochures. Thankfully, Faz is quitting his coaching role and taking his Stannah Stairlift to an advisory position within the club.
Meanwhile, leading Oxford academic Mickey Lewis is heading up a new sports course called Velocity at Oxford City. “Velocity is a fantastic new provision of football and education programmes” said the suspiciously erudite Mad Dog “There are so many ways to develop a fulfilling career in sport and the Velocity courses will provide an excellent grounding in a professional sports environment.”
Which leads us to ask; will the person who has stolen Mickey Lewis please bring him back.
Tuesday 11 August 2020
KRob is rumoured to be interested in Ipswich Town winger Gwion Edwards. Gwion? GWION? Will the nightmare for people who can’t spell Ruffels never end?
In more chilling news, it’s been reported that David Moyes has been casting ‘admiring glances’ at John Lundstram who is also on Sean Dyche’s watch list at Burnley. It reminds GLS of the time he couldn’t pay for his rent or his papers and ended up in a ménage à trois of convenience with Doreen his landlady and Brenda from the newsagents.
Wednesday 12 August 2020
George Thorne, or as GLS calls him, ‘Anthony Forde’ has left the club. Thorne was said he was sad to leave the club after a period peppered with injuries. He then tripped on the curb and sprained his ankle.
Elsewhere, Craig Short has been recruited as Head of Cone Distribution and Looking Pensive With Your Arms Crossed. Short is the brother of the club’s Head of Star Jumps, Chris. Ominous news for Oxford’s full-back Sam Long. We don’t know the long and the short of it, but we hope they’ll find a happy medium.
Thursday 13 August 2020
It’s the summer of 2016 alumni musical chairs as Sheffield Wednesday have decided there ain’t nobody, like Chey Dunkley who signed on a two-year contract. Elsewhere, Marvin Johnson has signed a year’s contract at Middlesborough; because someone has to keep the drinks bottles in order on the subs bench.
Friday 14 August 2020
Big boned Gillingham boss Steve Evans wants a beach-ready body this summer and has been casting admiring glances at Mr Big Guns MApp. Rather than enter into a regime of healthy eating and exercise, he’s looking for a short cut. Like chowing down on over-priced Herbalife products promoted by a Conference footballer, he thinks he’s found a quick solution is to sign all MApp’s previous players. Following the recruitment of Jordan Graham, on Friday he announced the signing of Alex MacDonald. The sleeve tattoo is booked in for Tuesday.
Elsewhere, GLS’ dutch cousin Brian Wilsterman’s Shorts has been translating a Feyenoord Dutch language website after a story about Liam Kelly appeared on it. Apparently Feyenoord have already agreed to ‘rent’ Kelly to the club next season. So it sounds like Kelly is our rent boy.
Saturday 15 August 2020
While on their pre-season holibobs Oxford announced the loan signing of Nottingham Forest midfielder Marcus McGuane. McGuane arrived at Forest from Barcelona where he became the first Englishman to play for the Catalans since Gary Lineker. McGuane will become only the second former-Barcelona player to play for Oxford since Xemi Fernández. Both Linekar and Xemi then followed successful TV careers – Linekar presenting the Champions League on TV, Xemi being caught on camera watching Liverpool v Barcelona without permission in 2019.